Image via WikipediaIt’s a bit early to be discussing this, but James and I were just IMing, and we came up with what we think the WOD will be for Pig Roast XXI, which will be the 2009 Pig Roast.
For Time:
21 Bodyweight Clean and Jerks
21 Bodyweight Deadlifts
21 HSPU
21 Pullups
21 Bodyweight Bench Press
I’m scared just thinking about it.
James and I were just discussing the plans for the upcoming Pig Roast and Pig Roast Olympics… Without getting too far ahead of ourselves, one of the events at the Pig Roast Olympics will be a Beer Mile.
And here’s how it went:
Will
4:18:22 PM
I mean, come on. it’s hilariousJames
4:18:26 PM
does it get really goofy by the end?Will
4:18:31 PM
we should do it with president masks on
4:18:36 PM
“COME ON, NIXON!”James
4:18:38 PM
that would get steamyWill
4:18:50 PM
but be funnyJames
4:18:53 PM
I’d shotgun ‘emWill
4:18:54 PM
I’d be Taft, of course.James
4:18:59 PM
or even better, funnel themWill
4:19:05 PM
Shotgunning is not allowedJames
4:19:08 PM
weakWill
4:19:09 PM
has to be from the bottle or canJames
4:19:12 PM
double-weakWill
4:19:17 PM
no cup, no shotgun, no funnelJames
4:19:21 PM
you should be allowed to use your talentsWill
4:19:44 PM
http://www.beermile.com/faq.beer#rules
4:19:53 PM
I’d kill everyone if I could shotgunJames
4:19:59 PM
I’m a mean shotgunner
4:20:02 PM
really mean
4:20:09 PM
and funnel, I’d bet I could give you a run for your moneyWill
4:20:09 PM
heh. I sense a challenge.
4:20:14 PM
you’re on.James
4:20:16 PM
next time I’m out!
4:20:18 PM
yes!
4:20:20 PM
hah!
4:20:22 PM
I love it.
And so, it’s on.
Perhaps we’ll shotgun while waiting for baggage at Bradley International Airport. It would make for a good YouTube, what with all the DHS people running about.
At any big get-together, a frequent question in the weeks leading up to the big event will be “Can I bring anything?”
We’re generally the type of people who do things over the top, like buying 120 pounds of potato salad for 120 people, or having the equivalent of 40 cases of beer for the same 120 people. So when people ask me “Can I bring anything?” my usual answer is “yourself, and an appetite.”
Yet again, enter Cindy as the voice of reason. There were quite a few things that normal people like to have at events such as a pig roast. Specifically: non-alcoholic beverages, water, munchies, and dessert.
In all of our pig roast planning, we had given little to no thought to these items. The thoughts around non-alcoholic beverages consisted of a couple of cases of Coca-Cola and Diet Coke. We had a blue 3 gallon cooler for water. We were planning on buying a bunch of chips and salsa for munchies. I don’t think anyone but Cindy had even considered dessert.
With Cindy as our gracious and beautiful event coordinator, we quickly assigned items to those who offered. A couple bags of chips here, a couple desserts there, and a 12 pack of Fresca provided by none other than my parents, and we were soon loaded to the gills with Fatty MacTavish goodness.
The day of the roast, James and I were quite busy running around, lighting fires, cooking pigs, adding charcoal, and drinking beer, so we didn’t get to see everything that was brought. However, once the pig was carved and served and we were able to actually relax a bit and go check out the festivities.
Because of our timing, I didn’t get to see the munchies in all their glory. From the sheer amount of food on the dessert tables, I think Cindy may have told everyone attending to bring three desserts. I remember there being some really wild variations; aside from the usual brownies and chocolate chip cookies, there were a couple of cheesecakes, a couple of fruit salads (yummy yummy), and even a giant tin of popcorn (in 3 flavors, no less).
The amount of dessert available was astounding, and kept the kids running about on the hoppity-bop / moon bounce all hopped up on sugar, and the amount left over the next morning was telling of how far overboard we had gone.
Not that I’m complaining. I’m a big fan of the “it’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it” school of thought.
Given that roasting a pig or two is a prodigious amount of work, I absolutely recommend allowing your guests to bring something. People want to feel like they’re contributing something, and not just showing up and eating your delicious roast pig, drinking your Mojitos and Sangria, and pissing on your lawn.
The Sangria recipe I used is based closely the one I use at home and at work. Once you find a solid sangria recipe, never let it go.
A small addition by Will:
It should be noted that for the Mojito, Mai Tai, and Sangria offerings at the pig roast, we were using 3 gallon drink coolers, such as these. The Gatorade logo is optional, but can let the inebriated football players in your group relive winning the Super Bowl… or the league title, whichever fits best.
It appears we’re making 10 gallons of sangria in the below recipe. Probably a good idea – people love the sangria.
* Triple sec can be replaced with any fruit liquor. I also use Grand Marnier when preparing sangria. If you’re truly crazy, you can try Will and Cindy’s choice of gin.
Mix the above together, but you are not yet done. You need to cut up a whole bunch of fresh fruit, making sure the fruit you use is ripe. What fruits you use will affect the taste of the sangria somewhat, but you really want to focus on getting the fresh fruit into the drink – it makes the taste. Some suggestions for fruits for your sangria: lemons, limes, cherries, pears, apples, oranges. Use your imagination, and if you want to throw in some dragon fruit or kiwi, give it a whirl.
Let the fruit steep in the sangria for at least one hour before serving. Given that you’re making this in bulk here, if you leave the sangria warm while it’s steeping, it will hasten the absorption of the fruit flavors.
I know you are questioning the reason for not giving out my real recipes. Most recipes that customers really enjoy are just tweaked recipes that have been used for years. However, I created a new drink a few years ago for a wholesale liquor rep for use at a bar I where Will and I met. The rep and the liquor maker really liked the recipe. The next thing I knew, the liquor rep told a national chain about the recipe, and now it is on their cocktail list nation wide. This irritates the piss out of me, and is the primary reason why I no longer share any of my real recipes with anyone. Not even my wife.
If you’re having a big event like a pig roast, it’s important to consider what you’re going to have on hand to amuse the kids who will invariably be attending. Nothing quite ruins Mom and Dad’s fun times drinking Mojitos while listening to live Irish music or horrendous karaoke as listening to their kids whine about how bored they are.
We’re in our 30s, which is pretty much the wheelhouse age for knowing that there will be a lot of kids involved. A quick rundown of kids at Pig Roast I included our two troublemakers, the dozen nieces and nephews we have, and the kids our friends would be bringing. All in, we were looking at roughly 30 humans between the ages of 10 months and 13 years old. Keeping that quantity of kids amused is challenging, but we were looking to do more than just amuse them.
The first thing we had to keep the kids occupied was our Cedarworks Playscape, which I and various celebrity guests (with a special nod to Uncle Bobby and Poppy) had assembled in the Spring of 2007:
This thing is flat out pimp, and was a reward to the family for the insane amount of time I spent in 2006 fulfilling my destiny as the Tom Brady of email. It’s got two slides, a rock climbing wall, a giant ladder, two towers, three swings, a sandbox, monkey bars, and a tube through which even I can fit that goes between the two towers. As the Cedarworks name insinuates, the wood is cedar, which means it’s splinter-free and more importantly, that you never need to stain it. Cedarworks play sets are not cheap, and you better make sure you’re well stocked on beer if you’re going to put it together with friends and family, but I wholeheartedly endorse the quality and craftsmanship of the product. It’s fantastic.Being that we tend to overdo things, we couldn’t simply stop there. After all, even the best play sets become trite after a couple hours. To battle this problem, we rented the biggest hoppity-bop moon bounce thing we could find. And if I may say so, this thing was nuts. See for yourself:
Yet again, I have to acknowledge Cindy’s firm opinion as being spot-on in this rental. I was lukewarm to the idea at best, but she was adamant. As is so often the case, she was spot on. James and I were (admittedly by choice) tethered to the pig roasting process, but the other adults present made sure that all the kids got their turns. At times they would clear out all the bigger kids so that the younger kids could jump their heads off without the risk of a crazy 8 year old red-head crashing down on them while laughing maniacally.I’m going to leave it to James to provide the sordid details of how a bunch of the late night drunks, including James’ Dad and the vocal reincarnation of Frank Sinatra ended up bouncing around in this thing. I doubt that even he can relate what a miracle it was that we avoided a trip to the Emergency Room.
The pig has been served. Now for the somewhat less fun stuff: you’ve got to dispose of the pig carcass.
If you’ve cooked your pig properly, there shouldn’t be a whole lot of roast pig to discard. It will pretty much consist of the skull, the spine, the leg bones, and assorted bits of cartilage. It’s not a substantial amount when compared to the uncooked mass of the pig you just roasted, but it is enough rotting material to create a problem if it’s not handled properly.
The problem is that pig roasts are generally conducted in the summer months, when flies and other things that like to feast on decaying flesh (cooked or not) are abundant. It’s pretty likely that the remains of your pigs will be sitting about for a couple of days before the garbage man comes, or you haul the remains to the dump yourself. If you don’t take proper care of the remains of your pig roast now, you’re going to have a big pile of putrescence that’s covered in maggots to deal with.
Our approach was simple – we picked up a couple of garbage cans at the local hardware store. These were dedicated exclusively to the carving area, and were only for organic waste. We double-lined these garbage cans with Hefty® Ultra Flex™ garbage bags.
This setup carried us through all of the organic waste created by Fredrick in the creation of the Mojito, Mai Tai, and Sangria, as well as in the carving of the two pigs, with room to spare.
Once the pits were cooling and it was clear that we had enough mixed drinks to make it through the remainder of the party, we tied off each bag individually, and put the tops on the garbage can, ensuring they were completely closed. Flies are one thing, but you certainly don’t want any raccoons in your pig carcass. This approach worked well for us, and when I brought the carcasses to the dump three days later (Pig Roast I was on a Saturday, the dump was next open on a Tuesday), I was greeted by a light aroma of roast pork goodness when I dumped the cans.
Moving on to the Mai Tai, I just used a fairly standard recipe. My obligatory modification was omitting blackberry liquor in favor of Creme de Noyaux. A lot of bars use blackberry brandy or some other substitute for Creme de Noyaux, but a Mai Tai is not as good as one with Creme de Noyaux. Most bartenders loathe making this drink because the customer has no idea what is really in it, but they had a Mai Tai on a cruise or at a resort. This experience, of course, makes them expertson how a Mai Tai tastes. But bartenders know the drill: just make it a red drink and the customer will be happier and none the wiser if the recipe is correct.
A small addition by Will:
It should be noted that for the Mojito, Mai Tai, and Sangria offerings at the pig roast, we were using 3 gallon drink coolers, such as these. The Gatorade logo is optional, but can let the inebriated football players in your group relive winning the Super Bowl… or the league title, whichever fits best.
Without further ado,
This is a fairly refreshing drink strong as well. Between this and the Mojito, your guests will be fairly well lubricated well before any pig is served.
Sorry for the delay in posting the recipes used to make the alcoholic beverages for the pig roast. I have been opening a new restaurant, and that has taken up quite of my time. I’ve been demolishing rooms in my house in the remainder of my time, hence the latency. Here’s how to make a mojito:
A small addition by Will:
It should be noted that for the Mojito, Mai Tai, and Sangria offerings at the pig roast, we were using 3 gallon drink coolers, such as these. The Gatorade logo is optional, but can let the inebriated football players in your group relive winning the Super Bowl… or the high school league title, whichever fits best.
For the Mojitio, I used a recipe that I created due to demand for something a little sweeter than your traditional Mojito . Trying to find the right balance of sweet on a large scale is challenging on a single cocktail scale, and finding the balance when mixing 3 gallons is downright daunting. Needless to say, I had to taste the Mojito often before I got it correct. Not that I’m complaining.
* Simple syrup is equal parts water and sugar. Use warm water to dissolve the sugar.
Mix limes, mint and simple syrup together and muddle it well. try not to crush up the mint; you really just want to infuse the mint oil. Then add the remaining ingredients, chill and serve.
This a good recipe, and will keep people drinking the Mojitos without them getting too sloppy. However, this is not the recipe that i use for my bar customers; that’s a guarded secret. And I guard things with a knife:
The hoopla around roasting a pig, whether it’s a Cuban style pig roast as we’ve detailed here, or if you roast it another way will occupy the majority of your thoughts and preparation effort in the days leading up to the roast. Make no mistake, the pig is the start of this event. However, the dishes that you have available as sides will be a key component in the overall success of your pig roast, and it’s important you give them some thought.
James and I were initially considering a bevy of items featuring big Southwest / Tex-Mex flavors. Items under consideration included: grilled corn on the cob, various grilled vegetables (as kabobs), a slew of home made sauces. James made mention of Ho-hos and galosh pie, but I don’t think those were ever in serious contention.
Reason 49,851 I love my wife: she can be the voice of reason when I get going on one of my streaks of absurdity, and those streaks tend to be exponentially larger when James is with me. She pointed out the insane amount of work it would be to shuck 120 ears of corn, as well as the amount of work it would be to prepare veggie kabobs in sufficient quantity for 120 people. Touche.
Our aspirations brought back in line, we decided to keep it simple, in the tradition of a good summer barbecue. We focused on traditional favorites that would be minimal work and mess for us, allowing us to concentrate our efforts on the pig. The sides were potato salad, coleslaw, baked beans, and a garden salad. We bought the potato salad and the coleslaw in bulk amounts at Sam’s Club. Since it was James and I doing the shopping at Sam’s Club, we bought these in ludicrous quantity; about 100 pounds of each. Likewise, the baked beans were bought in amounts that would have kept an entire troop of Boy Scouts giggling about farts for a month – we still have over 40 pounds of canned baked beans in my basement. 
The garden salad was a different story: Cindy graciously volunteered to assemble it from scratch, and in preparing it created the only dish at the pig roast that we weren’t eating for weeks afterward.
This approach went off very well – we were able to store the potato salad and slaw in coolers under the serving tables, which made replenishment a simple task. Cindy had bought six Cool Covers for the cool food items that did a marvelous job of keeping the food cold and the insects away – we fully endorse them. We were prepping the baked beans on the stove, adding a bit of seasoning to spice them up, and leaving them simmering, then bringing them out to the heated chafing dishes as needed.
“Pig’s Done! Pig’s Done!”
Find the cutest kid you can and offer them a blue raspberry lollipop to have him / her run about screaming this at the top of their lungs. It’s fun. Just make sure you can produce the lollipop.
We had prepped a folding table to restaurant standards, which amounts to washing it down with copious amounts of bleach, and then rinsed with a quantity of fresh water that families in Ethiopia could only dream of. It’s next to godliness, after all.
Jesus aside, take the time to make for a clean carving / pulling area. You don’t want people sick because of your laziness, and you don’t want miscellaneous dirt / grit on you roast pig.
There are insects such as flies which like to fly about and sample organic matter in its various states of decay. To this end, it’s in your best interest to allocate a relatively secure area in which to carve / pull the pig, so you don’t end up with traces of dog doo on your pig from the flies that will come. Clearing out a bay of your garage is advisable, and pretty much ideal, particularly if you have a sink in your garage. If it’s a day with a bit of wind, you can likely leave the garage bay open (as we did), but if it’s one of those hot summer days with stagnant air, we would recommend moving the pig into an enclosed location for the carving.
For the purpose of carving the pig, we used a plastic folding table. Nothing fancy, it cost about $40 at Staples or a similar store. We used plastic because it’s non-porous (unlike wood), and is therefore easier to clean / sanitize with bleach. If you choose to use a plastic table, make sure the outside of your pig has cooled to the point where you won’t melt your table.
Carry the roasted pig, grates an all over to your carving area. You’re going to need to execute another flip here, as you want to put the pig back side down on the carving surface. Remove the top grate. If you use wires to bind the grates, wire cutters are your friend. If you used the bolt method, a wrench and a cordless drill will make your life easy. At this point, you should be looking at something similar to this:
And with that, it’s time to carve.
Carving a roast pig isn’t rocket science. If you’ve done it properly, the pig will be more or less falling off the bone for you. While a knife will come in handy for things like hacking up the ribs and removing the tongue for Kemo to eat, you will be able to do the majority of your carving / pulling with a few sets of tongs. For Pig Roast I, we had four guys with tongs, two knives, and four chafing dishes. It took about 15 minutes to dissect the pig down to bones and a few pieces of cartilage. Don’t worry too much about the size of the chunks; the meat will be pretty tender, and people will be able to pare down any larger pieces as they see fit.
For Pig Roast I, we had heated chafing dishes in which we served the roast pig. In retrospect, this wasn’t really necessary. The pig will stay good and tender for a long while, and the temperature of the meat will have little to no bearing on its consistency for a good four hours. For Pig Roast III, I think we will simply serve the pig as-is.
Next: Side dishes
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